My Heart Beats for You Read online

  My Heart Beats for You

  Tina Marie

  www.urbanbooks.net

  All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter 1 - Inaya

  Chapter 2 - Phantom

  Chapter 3 - Inaya

  Chapter 4 - Phantom

  Chapter 5 - Inaya

  Chapter 6 - Phantom

  Chapter 7 - Inaya

  Chapter 8 - Lox

  Chapter 9 - Phantom

  Chapter 10 - Sahnai

  Chapter 11 - Inaya

  Chapter 12 - Lox

  Chapter 13 - Inaya

  Chapter 14 - Lox

  Chapter 15 - Inaya

  Chapter 16 - Phantom

  Chapter 17 - Sahnai

  Chapter 18 - Inaya

  Chapter 19 - Phantom

  Chapter 20 - Lox

  Chapter 21 - Inaya

  Chapter 22 - Lox

  Chapter 23 - Phantom

  Chapter 24 - Kadia

  Chapter 25 - Lox

  Chapter 26 - Inaya

  Chapter 27 - Phantom

  Chapter 28 - Inaya

  Chapter 29 - Phantom

  Chapter 30 - Sahnai

  Chapter 31 - Lox

  Chapter 32 - Inaya

  Chapter 33 - Noah

  Chapter 34 - Sahnai

  Chapter 35 - Inaya

  Chapter 36 - Lox

  Chapter 37 - Alani

  Chapter 38 - Sahnai

  Chapter 39 - Inaya

  Urban Books, LLC

  300 Farmingdale Road, N.Y.-Route 109

  Farmingdale, NY 11735

  My Heart Beats for You Copyright © 2022 Tina Marie

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the Publisher, except brief quotes used in reviews.

  ISBN: 978-1-6455-6330-3

  This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to real locales are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents is entirely coincidental.

  Distributed by Kensington Publishing Corp.

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  Acknowledgments

  I would first like to thank God for giving me this gift of writing and for providing me with every blessing I have received thus far and will receive in the future.

  I want to thank my family, my fiancé, Jay, for putting up with all the late nights and my crazy moods while I am writing. To my kids: Jashanti, Jaymarni, and Jasheer, I want you to know that I work so hard so you can have it all.

  To my Cole Hart Presents team, salute to all of you for keeping on the grind and staying positive. Cole, the fact that you wanted me on your team means more to me than you will ever know. Princess, Anna, and Twyla: I swear you ladies are just amazing, and I love you! I want to thank all of my Pen Sisters no matter what company you are in for all of the love, support, and for always helping to push me to my next goal. I appreciate you all!

  Ladora, you are the world’s best little sister. I love you, and I believe in you always! Keep pushing. That number one is coming your way.

  Natasha, we have been friends for what seems like forever, and now you’re more like family. You could never be replaced in my life. You have seen me at my best and worst and still have my back. Oh, and you have learned to put up with all my moods. LOL. I love you, boo!

  Natavia, only in a perfect world would I have thought that my favorite author would be my real-life friend. And even though this isn’t a perfect world, I am so happy you became my friend. I value all the talks, laughs, wcc, and advice. Love you, soul sister (inside joke).

  Coco, I didn’t think I could write a dedication to you without crying. I was right. You are a bomb-a** little sister. I would go to war for you with anyone. The way you love on my son and have never turned your back on me is everything. You’re filled with positivity and joy, and I can’t find the words to thank you. I love you!

  Sunni, there are so many days you have talked me off the ledge and just been a friend. I love your whole life. I could never replace you. Your bestseller is right around the corner. I can feel it!

  Nisey, Quanisha, and Keke, you three have been rocking with me since forever and are the best admins ever. I love how you love me but most of all how you all have come to love each other. Tina, you may be new to the team, but you are a welcome addition! You ladies don’t let me forget a thing and handle all the grunt work so I can write. XoXo! To my test readers, Kristi, Sweets, and Jammie, there would be no book without you ladies. You all are my blessings! Tootie and Liz, I couldn’t ask for better promoters. One thing I learned in this business is it takes a team, and finding the two of you completed my team.

  To my Baby Mama Zatasha, even though we are both crazy Geminis, I still love you, boo. Couldn’t do this book ish without you!! And to all the Bookies, I appreciate the love and support you show all authors, not just me. It makes a difference having a place where we are respected, celebrated, and offered endless support!

  To my friends and family: I appreciate all of the love and support. My cousins, Claire, Dionne, Donna, and Tanisha. My friends: Letitia, Natasha, Jennifer, Sharome, Shante, Diana, and Kia. I’m truly grateful for you all, and I love you. To my best friend, there will never be enough letters in the alphabet to thank you for everything, so I won’t even try.

  To all of my fans, readers, test readers, admins, and anyone who has ever read or purchased my work, or shared a link or a book cover, you’re all appreciated, and I promise to keep pushing on your behalf to write what you’re looking for.

  Chapter 1

  Inaya

  I could feel the heat from the sun wake me up. The sun represented hope for me, hope and a safe place. I was afraid of the dark, and most nights I stayed awake all night waiting for the sun to peek through the blinds before I could finally close my eyes and get some rest. I yawned as I cuddled closer to Kadia on the hard floor. I could feel her little legs stretching out until she was kicking me. She had her tiny arms wrapped around my neck, and I could feel the sweat from her body dripping onto me, mingling with my sweat. It was already hot before the sunbeams helped roast us further.

  “Mmmm,” Kadia whimpered in her sleep as she rolled onto her belly, and her head flopped off of the pillow and hit the carpeted floor. Only a kid would still sleep after their head bounced onto the rough carpet in a house that was a hundred-plus degrees inside. Slowly easing away from her so she wouldn’t wake up, I sat against the side of the bed. These were the times the guilt threatened to drown me, but what could I do?

  The alarm on my phone wouldn’t stop going off, and I knew it was time to get Kadia ready for school while I was supposed to go on a job interview. I wanted to call my cousin Sahnai, but my battery was at 50 percent, and with the electricity off, I couldn’t afford to let it die.

  Just thinking of our new daily routine made the tears drip from my eyes. I hated hearing Kadia cry out when I had to wash her in the dark bathroom in cold water. She deserved better than that.

  The electricity ran the water heater and the furnace and everything else we needed to survive in this place. We had beds in our own rooms, but I was afraid to let Kadia sleep in a pitch-black house in a room all alone. What if she got scared and tried to find me? She could fall down the stairs or trip over a toy on the floor and get hurt. As for the bed in my room, we slept on th
e floor because it was just too hot right now to sleep on a bed. Shit, heat rises.

  Thank God the school provided breakfast and lunch for Kadia. I worked in a day care, so I also had those two meals provided for me. When it came to dinner, we struggled. Sometimes I went to the corner store and would buy us Hot Pockets and cold subs with my food stamp card, and then used the Arab store’s microwave to heat up anything that needed to be warmed before we went home. The funny thing was I had over $1,000 in food stamps on my card, but I couldn’t buy groceries because the fridge wouldn’t work without electricity. So month after month, they just kept giving me food stamps, knowing I had nowhere to store the food. I used some of them to buy food for Kadia at my mother’s house when she went over there. And I used the rest to buy us food from the corner store, but if I didn’t use them by the next month, I would lose the old ones. They only stayed on the card for four months before they were forfeited back to the State.

  On the nights I had class, I used the credit on my student ID to buy chips and snacks out of the vending machine. I swore those snacks would keep me awake, especially in my child psych class. I wasn’t sure why that was needed to become a science teacher, but it was. The best thing about those nights while I was in class was that Kadia got to eat good at my mom’s house, a real home-cooked dinner, and I was grateful for that.

  “Kadia, Kadia. Wake up, baby,” I told my 4-year-old daughter while gently picking her up off the floor. I took the time to run my hand over her pigtails, pushing the barrettes out of her face. My lips made smacking noises as I kissed her chubby little cheeks.

  “Morning, Mama. I’m hungry and it’s so hot. When will the fans work again?” She didn’t even whine while asking. In my mind I was asking the same shit, but with a different attitude.

  “Soon, baby. Mama is working on a new job,” I said, while giving her a reassuring smile. I wished I could snap my fingers and just have the money to pay the light bill or buy anything Kadia wanted and needed. Unfortunately, life wasn’t that easy. I was lucky if I got thirty hours a week at the day care, and I only made $8 an hour, which was barely enough to put gas in the car to get to work and school and pay my portion of the rent. I knew someday this would not still be our situation, but today it was.

  As I looked in the mirror using my phone as a flashlight, I still saw a pretty face staring back, except this pretty face was tired. My light brown eyes looked droopy, and my eyebrows were bushy. My light skin didn’t have a glow to it anymore. Instead it looked pale and chalky. Even my cheeks had a sunken look to them. A few days ago, I’d overheard two of my classmates talking about me after my teaching seminar course. The ugly redhead asked the ashy one if she thought I was on drugs. They’d decided at the end of the conversation that must be why I looked unkempt and had lost so much weight. They sealed the deal with a sad shake of their heads and a laugh. Honestly I didn’t know whether to be angry or just sad. But I didn’t even have the energy to entertain their nonsense. I wasn’t a punk, but there was no explanation for my circumstances to the outside world, so I let it go.

  Mechanically, I took the brush and the brown gel and pulled my long black hair into a ponytail. Next, I added a clip so it wasn’t smothering me in this heat. I wanted to use the concealer I had to cover the bags under my eyes, but let’s be honest, I was using a cell phone light to see, so fuck it, and I would probably end up looking worse. Running my hands down my thin frame, smoothing the blouse and pencil skirt I had on as best I could, I tried to smile one more time. Looking at the time, I realized we were going to be late if I didn’t hurry up. Almost tripping as I rushed and slid my feet into my nude Aldo heels, I grabbed the manila folder holding copies of my résumé and ran down the stairs.

  “Kadia, let’s go. Your bus is coming,” I yelled unnecessarily since she was already skipping down the stairs with her princess bookbag on and in her neatly pressed private-school uniform. My baby was a good girl. I rarely had to yell at her, and she was pretty quiet.

  Quickly stepping outside my front door, I ran into a hard body. “Shit, I’m so sorry,” I said, looking up into a face wearing a deep frown. He was fine, don’t get me wrong, but he looked mean as fuck. He had chinky eyes and chocolate brown skin, and his hair was pulled into a ponytail on the top of his head. He had on a black hoodie half covering his face, True Religion jeans that looked brand new, and a pair of black Timberlands. Who the hell wears a black hoodie in this heat? He must have been at least six feet tall because he was towering over my five-foot, six-inch frame. He gave me a glare and a nod as he began walking past me into the townhouse right next door.

  “Mommy said, ‘Sorry,’ and you did not say, ‘That’s okay,’” Kadia chimed in before his hand could put the key in the door.

  “Kadia, it’s all right. It was Mommy’s fault. Let’s go, baby,” I harshly whispered to her as I began dragging her down the path. Before I could get far, he was in front of me again with a deeper scowl on his face. This morning was really not going well for me at all. As he looked down at Kadia’s little face, I just knew he was going to scare her with all of his frowning and mean looks. He was probably about to say something rude to her, and then I was going to have to stand up for my baby.

  Instead he smiled, and one dimple popped out on his right cheek. I noticed his teeth were white and in a straight row.

  “Hey, little one, you’re right. I’m sorry I did not accept your mommy’s apology. I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me?”

  Kadia really cocked her head to the side and put one finger to her cheek as she looked up to the sky in thought. I wished she would hurry up, because I just knew this nigga was about to get annoyed. I knew firsthand that some men did not have patience for kids.

  “Okay, we forgive you,” she finally said after what seemed like forever, and then she held out her hand for him to shake it. Surprisingly he did so while still smiling at her.

  “Have a good day at school, little mama. I hope you learn a lot,” he said, and then he was gone, almost like he was never there.

  “Mama, we are going to miss the bus,” Kadia said, snapping me out of my fantasy.

  Great! My new neighbor looked like the thug of my dreams but probably thought I was an idiot for running into him and then allowing my child to hold a conversation with him when he was clearly annoyed.

  As soon as Kadia stepped on her bus, I was speed walking to my gold Maxima, hoping it would start today with no issues. Saying a little prayer, I turned the key and heard the engine turn over. Phew. I didn’t want to be late, because I really needed this job so I could get my and my baby’s lives together. We couldn’t keep living like this. She wasn’t used to this kind of life, and she had never been without lights or hot water before now. We had never been rich, but I never allowed her to know we were poor.

  I made sure she had a comfortable home and clean clothes that fit, as well as hot meals every day. I didn’t know where things went so wrong. Well, I did. When I decided to get better for me and Kadia was when things seemed to get more complicated. By “better,” I mean not allowing us to be in an unhealthy situation anymore. Money couldn’t buy comfort, good health, or a person’s safety. Money or lack of money could make doing what was right even harder to do.

  As soon as I pulled into the parking lot of Saber Solutions, I could feel my palms get sweaty. I had no idea why I was interviewing for this internship. Though it was entry level, I had no idea what they did at this company. Based on the aqua-tinted glass windows surrounding the modern-looking building, it was something I didn’t have experience in. I felt way out of my league. Glancing at myself in the mirror one more time before getting out of the car, I whispered a little prayer and went to take a chance on my future.

  Walking into the lobby, I stopped at the front desk, where the very blond secretary asked with a confused look on her face if she could help me.

  “I have a nine a.m. interview with a Mr. Tyler,” I responded, making sure to smile and give her eye contact. Even though she was l
ooking at me like I was a spider or dirt on her shoe, I kept my head up with confidence. This was my big chance, and I was taking it.

  “Someone will be with you shortly,” she responded with an attitude. I stood waiting since she didn’t offer me a seat. Luckily Mr. Tyler walked out and introduced himself before my feet began to hurt in those high-ass heels. You know what they say: beauty is pain. I could see him giving Miss Blondie an angry look, so maybe he was not pleased that she left me standing at the front like a delivery girl.

  Mr. Tyler was the vice president of operations at Saber Solutions. I wasn’t yet sure what operations he was running, but I couldn’t wait to find out. He had on a gray suit with a crisp white shirt and an aqua-green tie that matched his light-colored eyes. The interview was surprisingly painless. Mr. Tyler was very down-to-earth for a VP, or at least I thought so because he asked if I had kids. He talked a little about his twin sons and how the company was family oriented, and hearing that made me want the job even more. He explained that I scored in the top percentile on the test his company had anyone interested in a position take with the application. To me, this didn’t seem like a big deal, and I told him so, but he explained that only 5 percent of applicants even made it past the mid-range of this test. He told me I would be informed of his decision by the end of the week, as they still had to check my references. He then sent me on my way with a hopeful smile on my face and a prayer in my heart. This job would solve so many issues for me and my daughter. I would not have to worry about money or not enough hours again.

  On my way back to the lobby from Mr. Tyler’s office, I noticed the employees at their desks and in their offices. Everyone looked happy while they typed away at their computers or talked on their desk phones. This place felt right for me. No more working with troubled kids or ratchet coworkers. As I reached the door to the lobby, deep inside, I wanted to turn around and cry out that I needed a decision right away. I wanted to tell him I could no longer allow my child to live like she was, with no hot water or TV, not even a night-light, but instead I thanked Mr. Tyler and walked out to my car, again praying it would start so I could make it to my job. I told them I had a dentist appointment and that was why I would be late today. If I had told them I was looking for a new job, I was sure they would have let me go, and that wasn’t something I could handle right now.